I’m a 2 time NDE (Near Death Experience) Survivor… in fact probably many more times than this. My story is a very long and traumatic one. I’m just getting things setup on my website and I’m not exactly ready to start telling my long and drawn out story at the moment, but I wanted to get a quick summary up here at least for now, and I promise to update this soon.
As a baby I was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis and my parents were told I would likely not live beyond my Teens. Because of this, I was treated differently than my older brother who is 4 years older than me. Basically, I was the kid who was dying, so I got more attention and ‘special care’ by everyone around be because I was sick and In and out of hospitals all the time etc. Of course my very large extended family all knew I was “the dying kid” so I was never treated ‘normal’. I don’t want to sound unappreciative or anything of this extra attention, but all I ever wanted was to be ‘normal’ but, the ‘over-the-top’ tones of every adult toward me, singling me out over the other kids caused some rather complex inner feelings.
I overheard plenty of conversations among the adults about my circumstances and that I was not going to live as long as everyone else. This part may sound worse than it actually was tho, as I didn’t really understand what that meant exactly, and I was never really afraid of dying or anything because it was just normal in my world as a child. Dying was just something that everyone does eventually, and I get to go first (yay! lol). In retrospect, I did get a lot of conflicting advice from people who attempted to try and emotionally comfort me in some way or whatever, even tho I never really felt I needed emotional comfort about it, nor did I even really let on that I knew why they were talking to me in such a ‘weird way.’
I don’t consider any of the above to be a source of ‘trauma’ for me. It created an odd sort of perspective that has stuck with me to this day, and has done much to shape my world view in a way that is probably much different than someone who didn’t grow up as ‘the dying kid’ but I wouldn’t consider any of it ‘traumatic’.
The Trauma Begins…
One of my very first memories as a child was around age 4 or 5. My mom had a small side job/business thing making beaded jewelry for some company. So, our living room was always full of boxes and bubble wrap and shipping type stuff. The bigger boxes my brother and I made “forts” and mazes out of and stuff like that. One day I thought we were just having fun when my brother started wrapping me up in bubble wrap like a mummy. He started from my feet and working his way up, until he got to my head. At this point he crawled on top of me, spit in my face and took another piece of bubble wrap and began to smother me stretching it tightly over my nose and mouth. He said I was costing my parents too much money with hospital bills and everyone just wished I would die already! He said I was going to die anyway, so why not just die right now cuz life for everyone else would be better without me.
This is my earliest memory… not of carefree childhood, but of believing I was about to die at the hands of my own brother as he held the plastic over my face until I passed out. How long he held it there, I have no idea, but long enough to pass out and believe I was about to die. This became a regular occurrence, as I was under threat that he wouldn’t take the plastic off next time if I were to tell anyone.
NOTE: These instances are not the NDE’s I referenced at the beginning, these are the “probably many more times than this” part.
It turned out later (at around age 10-11) that I was misdiagnosed and never actually had Cystic Fibrosis. Doctors never had any explanation of how or why I was no longer sick and the bazillions of previous tests all confirmed something that simply was no longer the case. A “Miracle?” I have no idea. What I do know is, EVERYTHING changed after that. I was no longer the ‘dying kid’ who was treated ‘special’. I was now feeling resentment from just about everyone but my Mom. My dad could hardly even look at me… as if I’d stolen his own life because he’d spent so much money on hospital bills and my parents were drowning in debt because of it. Although my brother was no longer trying to kill me all the time (a phase he’d grown out of apparently), the look of evil in his eyes became visible once again and a new phase of abuse began.
I’ve overcome MANY traumas in my life, and I’ve gained a lot of understanding about the nature of reality through these experiences of seeing both sides of life and death. 30 Years ago I had my most profound NDE that changed my life forever. The experience is really beyond words, but I will do my best. While that experience 30 years ago was the most profound, it is my most recent NDE (about 10 years ago) that has set me on the path I am now on to re-position my life in a way that will afford me the time to tell my story, and to help as many people as I can to overcome their own traumas. By understanding the nature of reality and understanding the true power within all of us to CREATE OUR OWN REALITY and manifest our TRUE desires, everyone is capable of… well… of pretty much ANYTHING!
During the experience 10 years ago I ‘made a deal’ with the Universe (God if you prefer) for being granted more time in this reality. You see, I’ve had a gift my whole life that I’ve been afraid to share with others, Basically hiding my true deeper self; my soul if you will, and therefore I was not following my own authentic path in life. The experience made me have a much greater understanding of how important it is to be the “true you” and be true to yourself, to value yourself, and to value everything and everyone much more than we typically do. My mission now is to share these messages I received, and continue to receive, from ‘the other side of the veil’ to as many people as I can, but especially to those who are struggling with trauma and issues of self worth.
MUCH… MUCH More to come…